Good,Good and More Good

Today is the day Rays' Union votes on accepting the contract or walking out and striking. This has been an ongoing concern,but not panic,  for months.It is so rewarding that I can write the words "concern ,not panic". It is like a measuring stick of my relationship of trust in the Lord. To see that trust,growth and dependence upon Him steadily climbing makes my heart sing and spurs me on to a  greater and deeper relationship with Him.Isaiah 41:10 says " Fear not, there is nothing to fear, for I am with you; do not look around in terror and be dismayed,for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you  to difficulties,yes I will help you; yes I will hold you up and retain you with My  victorious right hand of rightness and justice."

To be concerned shows that I am aware. That I live in this flesh, here on this earth , where bills have to be paid and groceries must be purchased.Gas must be put into vehicles that transport us to jobs providing the means of supporting those needs.Our Mocha and" The Boys" look to us to provide that kibble in the bowl that is always there each day. Our home, although we feel was given to us by God, still has a mortgage that has to be paid. The bank does not really care if we go on strike or not. These realities drive the concern.

The panic is driven by other things. Things from my past that formed how I perceive the safety of the world and people around me.Things that led me to not only doubt those who were my caretakers, but to fear them as well. Things that tell me when it looks like it's okay, don't really trust that. Be prepared. The rug will  be pulled out from under you. Life is not safe and everything and everyone are to be feared,  or at the least, not trusted.

Juggling these two emotions as a child of God has  been difficult for me.Balancing the obvious realities of life in the flesh, while at the same time, trusting in the living God and looking to Him has been a learning process. My examples of authority,leadership,and  even the basics of care giving towards me were minimal at best. Therefore I have struggled with trust in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I didn't want to.I didn't choose to.It is a by product of the life I was given.

 However, in His amazing ways and by His grace and faithfulness to me , He continues to teach me and show me that He is the better,perfect Father. He allows my fears to be there just enough time to remind me that He "will never leave me nor forsake me." He allows the pain of that insecurity to surface just long enough to remind me that in His Word He tells me "Fear not..for I am with you..I am your God."

Somehow in these 40 years of walking with Him, I am finally trusting more...running back to Him faster...relying on Him in every situation,not just those I deem appropriate. Somehow I am believing He is "for me and not against me."Somehow I am believing those words "I have loved you with an everlasting love;therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." (Jeremiah 31:3 ) The knee jerk reaction is initially still the same .Doubt. Fear. But more quickly now  and ever so gently, my hearts response has become one of breaking immediately in the presence of such overwhelming love and grace and faithfulness.I cannot retreat .I must surrender and bow down before my Lord and my God.He is my Refuge. He is My Hiding Place.He is the Lifter of my head.

What I have learned in these past few weeks surrounding the strike threat,is that I do not do life perfectly.I do not do faith perfectly.I do not walk with my God perfectly.And that's okay and perfectly  understandable because I am not perfect. I do however, have the perfect Father God who knows and loves me.He accepts me in His Beloved. He is patient and kind  .He sees the best in me and believes the best for me.I am allowed to stumble and He picks me up.Never, ever is He the cruel,unloving parent I expect.He continually showers me with an abundance of acceptance and love I never knew and often do not know how to receive. But I'm getting there.Steadily.

Micah 6: 8 states "He has showed you,oh man,what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?"

I am learning to give kindness and mercy to myself ,instead of ridicule, constant condemnation, and a standard of perfection.. As I humble myself and walk with Him I am seeing the good. The good in depending upon Him.The good in not beating myself up.The good in "every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" and by which I measure my course in this life.The good that comes from the admonishment to "taste and see that the Lord is good". The good that "I am my Beloveds and He is mine."

What an incredible privilege to walk with the One who has said He is with me and He is my God. And what a delight to know He never lies and keeps His Word,therefore I can wait and it will happen...whatever He said. " God is not a man that He should lie.." (Numbers 23:19 )