Hide and Seek...or Maybe Life as a Froggy

I have not written in several days.I feel blocked by the "real world" turning around me. Honestly I am probably actually in "HIDING" again. Life has thrown some curve balls in my families direction, and the doubts,fears, worries and anger has me running for cover. I know what I want to be feeling and what I am actually feeling and they are often at odds.

The birth of this blog came about because I felt led of the Lord to share my faith.Truly it was to share His  acts of miraculous intervening in my struggles in life both as a child,teen and an adult woman redeemed by His blood and grace.It was to share His caring so much that He would move heaven and earth to reach my soul. It was to encourage others to trust and believe that He cares for every moment of our life and works them all together for our good as my blog address references a Scripture long held as my own personal "life verse".

Yet ,here I sit tonight, discouraged,doubting.Hiding from my Creator because I'm afraid this might be the time He lets me down. I know He won't,but it might feel like He does. I don't want to feel that. I felt that all my life. Promise after promise was broken by every adult I ever trusted or believed in.As a good and devout Catholic girl I would pray the Rosary and wear my scapular to bed at night...go to Mass and light candles. Believe that my believing would somehow change the horror of my life. But it did not. So I do not want to feel that way again Lord. The fear of that feeling makes me avoid You.

You,who made the world and everything in it.You ,who hold my very life in Your Hand. You,who time and time again have proven Yourself Faithful and True.Trustworthy.

It's me and my fear that keeps me from You. It's my idea of how I think things should go in this crazy world where I already feel like there is no security, and now there are even more threatening circumstances. Its my fear that You won't really give me and my family the miracle we need. That we just don't measure up or deserve it like all the people you really love. It's my resistance to the stretching and growing and character building You develop in those You have called and love and chasten. It's my impatience in knowing we cannot know the answer for a couple weeks and until then I have to walk with You everyday. How can I walk and hide at the same time?? I cannot.

Help me Father to know you are nothing like my earthly parents.Help me to look at all You have ever done for me and to realize that same care and love motivate what You have planned now. Help me to look unto You,the author and finisher of my faith and know You're not done. Help me not to hide but to come before you boldly because You are always before me interceding on my behalf. Help me to praise and worship You for who You are rather than dwell on what You might not do even though You never yet have let me down. Help me to see my fears and disappointments are only because I am so limited in my view of You and Your plans towards me...plans for a hope and a future..for good and not for evil.

Jesus knew of what He spoke when He cautioned us to not be caught up in the cares of this world. They can completely derail us and take us off the road leading us to Him and His peace,joy and love. In recognizing this though,we can quickly ask forgiveness and be reinstated immediately into His presence and grace.

Hiding used to be what I did.It felt safer and more familiar. Now I feel better connected to Him, even when I do not know where He's leading me. Hiding is separating myself from Him and that is not what I want any longer...or at least  for not as long.  I recognize His absence sooner and long to be reunited.

Living in this world,while my citizenship is in another,often causes me difficulty.As I go along I hope I can continue to grow and reach for all God has for me,even when I am fearful. Especially when I am fearful because the connection is the victory,not necessarily the outcome. Like a frog who because of its amphibious characteristics can live quite contently in or out of water,I hope that I can learn to live in this world but not be of this world or taken over by its cares,while remaining anchored to my residency in the Fathers Kingdom. Like the froggy I want to be content swimming,diving  or sitting on a lily pad high above the waters. I want to be content in whatever circumstances my Father allows while  walking with Him here on earth, while at the same time,  my spirit is growing and becoming ready to be transported to the Heavenly Kingdom,where I will live forevermore.

Funny,the child's game is called Hide and Seek. Its really quite the opposite in my life with Christ.The more I Seek,the less I Hide.