A Longing Fulfilled or In Process

Music has always been an instrument used by God to touch my heart.Recently in the past several months the music of Audrey Assad has been the soundtrack of my life.She not only has an exceptional voice,but even more so her lyrics say so much of what I have felt,longed for,imagined. It has been in listening to her music that I have drawn ever nearer to the Lord . I find it moves me to a place of even more transparency than I have experienced before.I sometimes feel like I am actually communing with Him on a new level.More honest.More open.More aware that this is the God of the Universe that I get to hang out with and talk to in the quiet moments of my soul and day.I think I am beginning to understand "eternity" so much better.I used to think wow,I'm glad I'm saved and not going to Hell, but what am I going to do in Heaven,forever?? As I walk deeper,year after year with Jesus,I see that its only the beginning and there's so much more.It truly is only a "glimpse" now ,but then it will be face to face. A complete union.A longing fulfilled.

The pictures with Jesus sitting with children,or embracing a man or woman's  face in the tenderness of His Hand,  have always stirred deep emotion within me.I long to be looked at by Him in the ways these artists have depicted Him. This is what I imagine upon my first entrance into Heaven.

Some of the lyrics to this song paint a picture of the feelings I experience about The Lord, or the emotions it evokes within me as I remember all He's done for me,but mostly WHO He is to me.Like He's not just God. He is that, but because I can no longer separate my existence from Him,He is so much more to me.And this is certainly NOT because I am so holy,because I am not.It's more like the Bible talks about us being grafted into the Vine and they are now One.I cannot fathom separation or an existence apart from His grace,tenderness,or presence  in my life.As the Bible states He is everywhere and holds everything together.

"You are the highway I travel.Cause I watched You carve streets of gold from the sand and gravel.I gave you brokenness.You gave me innocence.And now this road leads to glory.You are my deepest longing and so I see You everywhere.It's You I'm chasing after.Cause I am captivated by Who You are and how You move.I'll follow You forever". (Audrey Assad)

As I was thinking about these lyrics today I was reminded of a portion of Scripture that evokes the same response inside of me.

"O Lord,I remember earnestly my affliction and my misery,my wandering and my outcast state,the wormwood and the gall. My soul has them continually in remembrance and is bowed down within me. But this I recall and therefore I have hope and expectation.It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed,because His tender compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness. The Lord is my portion or share,says my living being,my inner self; therefore I will hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him."   Lamentations 3 :19 to 24

Over the years people have jokingly made "fun" of my responses to music,worship,the Lord's very personal invasion of my space at times. Comments like "Look out her angel wings are sprouting"...were made in jest but they cut to my core. It was certainly not because I was anything but a sinner saved by grace,as were they.What hurt was that I knew what God had rescued me from,and how much I needed a Father,a Savior, and that relationship is so real to me on a very personal level.To have that mocked made me go into Hiding some more.This season of my life and the purpose for this blog is to come out and be visibly connected to the true Hiding Place and to give expression to the love relationship I have with the one true God and to His awesomeness in our daily lives.  I struggle in this world as all sinners do.I have good seasons and ones filled with clouds and rain.I don't always or even often, be what Jesus wants me to be. But what I know is that "Heaven came down and Glory filled my Soul" as the old hymn states.

"Oh what a wonderful,wonderful day.Day I will never forget.After I'd wandered in darkness away Jesus my Savior I met.Oh what a tender,compassionate friend.He met the need of my heart.Shadows dispelling,with joy I am telling, He made all the darkness depart. Heaven came down and glory filled my soul."

Religious..not ever.Not close. Changed.Transformed.Made new.In light of that I could never stop the gratitude I feel.I could not walk away from the One who loves me with an everlasting love and who draws me by that love.I cannot separate my heart from Him.And all of this always comes back to His doing,not mine.He sought me.He bought me. He keeps me every day.Therefore I will look for Him everywhere and give Him recognition for all that He is to me.If people poke fun ,so be it. I am not in hiding any longer.This is the least I can do is give voice to His praises.His wondrous works abound.How grateful I am He invited me to share the journey of grace,renewal,hope and love.The beautiful road of life in Christ.

"You are the highway I travel.So I see You everywhere. I'll follow You forever".