" And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right; for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint." Galatians 6 : 9
I am preaching to ME today. I am faint of heart and weary.Beyond that I am frustrated and even bothered that God's Word has an admonition I should follow and obey concerning my being weary and losing heart.
I just want to sink into my pity party of" life is not all I hoped it would be".That's productive....not.
I got into the car after work and cried."I'm sick of this Lord." Then I called Ray and continued to show him how" pleased" I was with life today. It was a short exchange.I knew in the griping I was seeing what my enemy wanted me to see. I even said out loud "I don't want to hear what God's gonna do in the sweet bye and bye". I'm just tired and fed up.Tired of clinging to promises. Even though the Promise Maker always keeps His Word...even when I cannot see it. And even on days like today at this moment when I'm feeling so "righteous" that I dare NOT see it .At the moment that my spirit begins to surrender ,my flesh and all its anguish, fueled by my rage and "setting the record straight" is suddenly derailed and I begin to weep, as I cry out to the Lord that I am sorry for running with my hurt feelings and demanding He STOP this stuff and ANSWER my prayers.
Another verse popped into my head. Are you familiar with the one about "mans heart being desperately wicked?" It also states that our hearts are all about deceiving or tricking us. What better example do I need than my emotions of this day? God is a total gentleman. He allowed me to run with all my strength into complete depression, at my inability to continue to trust Him. To rant about how done with all of this I was.This got me nowhere except filled with anger and despair.What a destination.
After hours of misery,and a quite justified feeling that I was quite accurate in my assessment of Gods "not coming through" quickly enough ,or removing the Cross He asks me to willingly carry in order to follow Him daily...I came to the end of myself,my emotions and anger.As Ray and I began our devotional time,I could feel my lips tremble as I said the words "God" to begin my prayer. In my heart and mind I processed not daring to speak the word "Lord" because I fully knew I had been the lord of my life all day up to that point.
As I opened my mouth and my heart, the tears began to flow and that little girl voice spoke to my daddy God.I was sorry for failing again...not believing Him...getting sick and tired of waiting. I do not get it Lord.But again I surrender to You.It's the only way to make it through . Your grace is enough.
Katie, those days fall upon everyone. We are mortals, we fail and fall. We give up, we ask Him questions and sometimes demand answers NOW. Your day must have been very bad for you to lose touch with Him; however, you got home and began to let it go, you gave it to God and you know He understands every little emotional downfall we have. He is always waiting to pick up up again, over and over. God Bless you!!
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