It has been quite awhile since I have written. I have been thinking about it and wishing I could. I guess my daughter telling me I am a writer, and the definition of a "writer" I gleaned from Pinterest has convinced me that I am indeed someone who writes.
Prior to starting our "staycation",I was aware of the Holy Spirit working some things out in my spirit. At the time I was not totally clued in to what was going on ,just that something was. After years of communing with the Lord, I can see that just as in our earthly relationships, there are seasons of a deeper closeness, a knowing, a connectedness that is all encompassing, that transpires in our walk with our Father as well. It is evidence to me,that this indeed is a "relationship", not a religion or my faith or any other word that doesn't capture exactly what it is; a relationship.
It is because of that connection, that relationship, that I share here at My Hiding Place. My prayer and heartfelt desire, is that if just one someone, finds a word of encouragement or truth from Gods Word or even a kindred spirit in life and experience , then I will be accomplishing what I feel God has lead me to do in my writing . For so long I blinded myself to my own realities of the truth of my life. I wore shame as if it was my Sunday best. I agreed with everyone and people pleased, to be liked and accepted.I overlooked the abuses and swallowed every crumb thrown my direction. As if that were not enough,I then would sweep and vacuum every last crumb up ,as if I was the one created the mess or was in some way remotely responsible for it. In doing all of this I ignored and denied my own existence. I easily faded into the noise all around and became deaf to my own soul and spirit and my own inner voice.I made sure everyone else got what they needed while I slowly died inside.
As God began to show me, that He truly cared not only for me, but about all that He'd allowed in my childhood, I began to come to life in a new way. I had been born again for about 13 years but I was still living a lie.When I first got saved, I envisioned myself as a picket fence in need of repair and a good paint job. I saw Jesus as the Divine Painter and Handyman who would come along and straighten the boards,remove the rotten nails,and put on the shiny,perfect, snow white colored paint. He indeed comes to transform us.He indeed saves us completely by His Blood and His Grace. But salvation and sanctification are completely different. Or they were for me at least.
Paul says in Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by free grace (God's unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgement and made partakers of Christ's salvation) through your faith. And this salvation is not of yourselves (of your own doing, it came not through your own striving) but it is the gift of God."
I clearly see here that Jesus is forever that Divine Handyman. He, alone, has the tools of His trade. He does not need my help. In fact I am impotent to do anything, for it is His gift to give and mine to receive. Period. It really is that simple. If I were to be saved and then immediately, or in a reasonable amount of time afterward, be taken to Heaven, this might be all that occurs. However, if Father God chooses to save us ,then keep us here for awhile, more will and should happen.
Paul then says in Philippians 1:6 "And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return), developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."
So here, Paul is sure that Gods going to keep working on, in and through us.Therefore, we have to be available, open and ready for what God has planned to do to "develop, perfect, and complete" us. Even in the not so great things. Even in the shameful things, or the lies we tell ourselves or others about who we think we are. I was saved . But I then imagined myself,like a white washed or newly painted picket fence. Nice on the outside.Looking good.Functional. All tied up with a pretty pink bow. Not.
But Jesus.That Divine Handyman and Carpenter. He knew the rotten wood the fence was made of. He knew the rusty nails deeply imbedded, and twisted and broken into pieces. He saw the way the boards had been mended , appearing strong and sturdy, but caving within from neglect This fence,needed much more than a shiny,perfect appearing coat of paint to make it the fence He had in mind.
In His wisdom ,He allowed the whole fence to crumble and He started all over again. He knows how to make Beauty from Ashes.He is not all about the "picture perfect appearance" that a nice coat of paint would accomplish...for a season...until the wood rotted and sagged and fell beneath its wear and abuse. He makes all things new.From the inside out.
My life and its secrets and its lies and its pretense was that Picket Fence.I tried to cover it with the paint of getting saved, going to church,praying and reading my Bible and witnessing to others about the Good News of Jesus.But I never even got real with the One who died for me and gave me my life. When I realized He wanted me...just me...just as I am...and was as a child...when I knew He was always with me and saw everything and said it's okay I got this...It's in My plan and My Hands...I began to remember some things, tell the truth, stop protecting everyone and pleasing everyone and making peace with everyone...and allowed Him to make new and repair and cut new boards and drive in new nails and sand and THEN paint the surface of my Picket Fence, my life.
I have learned in my walk with Jesus that things are rarely as they appear.I also have learned that my appearing a certain way does not mean that's how I am. I ,like a good old picket fence am a creation of the One who created me. He knows what He's going to use me for, therefore He gets to choose the type of wood and nails and paint and the saw to cut the boards that create me. I must not try to be, nor pretend to be a brick wall. I am a picket fence. .I am exactly what my Designer and Creator made me to be. He knows where the wood came from that made me...the seasons before I was a part of this fence..and He has a perfect place for each fencepost and board to go. As I allow Him to complete the building of the fence I can relax in my purpose and in my elements because He is the Divine Handyman and I am not.
" Yet, Oh Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay and You our Potter, and we are all the work of Your Hand." Isaiah 64: 8
" For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb. I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works and that my inner self knows right well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret and intricately and curiously wrought ( as if embroidered with various colors) in the depths of the earth ( a region of darkness and mystery). Your eyes saw my unformed substance , and in Your book all the days of my life were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there were none of them."
Psalm 139: 13-16
How dare I not embrace the life my Creator planned for me. How dare I assume a brick wall or a wrought iron gate is more valuable, beautiful or useful than a little picket fence. In embracing my purpose as He sees fit, I can become all He intended and be the best "picket fence" ever. Who knows what child I may protect in the arms of my fence rails? Or what beautiful flowers will not be stepped upon or broken and discarded as I encircle them? For which old couple sitting on their front porch will I be the "little picket fence" they always dreamed of having around but had no money for until this season of life? Serving my purpose, out of His creation, I can be many things if I am what and who He made me to be.
