As staycation slowly winds down and the end is in sight, I find myself sad at its departure and yet so grateful and refreshed at its existence.
Setting out on staycation, we certainly had things in mind to do and to accomplish. We were able to do both.
Getting things done around your home that you put off during the work week and weekends, feels tremendously good to me.I am detail oriented by nature, and a re-covering perfectionist (LOL) and so I just have to get to things eventually. Ray may not exactly feel this way, but he does hop on board every year and together we accomplish what has previously been ignored. Because we are aging I count on that help and togetherness much more than when I was young and "could do it myself". The benefits of a long and lasting love affair and marriage are countless. You started off young,knowing everything, and in a hurry to get on with life.As life moved on, you became aware of how little you knew, and how that helpmate just might know some things you not only didn't know ,but never cared to know.It takes place on both sides of the relationship and you begin to amass more knowledge, respect, wisdom and love. I can sit for hours and listen to my husband talk. For years, he was quiet and by some measuring sticks he still may be, but when its just he and I the conversation flows.I love it that it does. It speaks volumes to me of years for both of us, where we were neither seen , heard or valued. But God in His great mercy and wisdom saw us and directed us to one another to both love and heal one another.I neither saw this possibility nor imagined it as a young bride. As we worked on various chores during staycation, I was able to see how we have grown and matured.I do not have to get it all done today and perfectly at that. He does not have to be aggravated at who I am or how I am and be immature in response to me. Together we have come to know its okay to be who we are as individuals, and to realize that together we are better than we are alone and to be team players in order to get where we are going.It is a blessing to see these things in the midst of chores. And life is kind of like that. The busyness and work of life is ever present. But what do we miss along the way that could give us joy? What lessons are right in front of us? What blessings do we overlook in the chaos? My prayer is that as we go back to the work place, that we are able to remember some of what we had time to see on staycation.
After the chores and "have-to's" we moved onto seeing our kids visiting from Portland and our friends,whom we rarely see because of Rays work schedule and long hours and fatigue.
Blessings. Abundance of Heart .Laughter. Comfort. Hopes and Dreams.
There is no love like a parents love for their children. To be able to spend time together when you have been separated is like no other time. You wish you could freeze moments and pull them out at anytime for an extra dose of love on a bad day. Instead you treasure them and breathe them in slowly to not miss a single second.As a parent to see your adult children re-united and carrying on as they always have, is both rewarding and refreshing. My kids enjoy one another and the craziness of their laughter and ridiculous names they have for one another, make my heart smile so wide. It takes me back to days gone by, of best friends and siblings, co-existing in the rooms of our home.It reminds me of the speech I gave them as young children, that one day daddy and I would be gone, and they would have friends and spouses, but they alone are sister and brother and to not take it lightly nor for granted.Of the legacy God has given to Ray and I, through these amazing people He created in my womb. I am truly humbled by Gods grace and faithfulness to us and our family.In the midst of these emotions and recollections, I am aware of my Fathers love towards me. It is beyond imagining because I love my children so deeply. Yet I know His is the perfect love and beyond all we can think or imagine.Another lesson in the daily school of life and staycation..
I have always heard that "if you have a handful of friends, you are blessed".It is true. As a young person and teenager I was pretty outgoing and prided myself on having lots of friends. Even as a young couple, Ray and I had a lot of people to hang out with and have fun with . Friends. As time went on and life had its ups and downs, and maybe life wasn't all we thought or hoped it would be, how funny the drop off of friends.Due to LIFE, perhaps we were not as fun as we once were. Or perhaps we had some challenges from our past we needed to address and were not so perfect as we once appeared. I mean we never were. That was a cover-up anyway.The bottom line is, I really began to assess what a friend was, and what being a friend was. We now have some wonderful friends. I have two very good friends in Heaven whom I cannot wait to be re-united with.Our friends these days know exactly who we are, and what our quirks or struggles are and they love and support us just the same.They are patient with horrible working hours and dozing eyes from sleepiness.They are understanding or at least accepting of someone with many wounds and scars like me.They are loved and appreciated by us. So as in all things looked at today, the old saying has merit. We are blessed.It is not the number of friends one has, but the blessedness of the friendship."Thank you for being a friend".
Lastly, I would like to talk about the refreshment of being in Gods Word and presence, with no time constraints.This was the most rewarding and renewing of staycations benefits. Prayer, worship, reading and fellowship whenever. No schedules or timelines.Free to hear and be heard.So awesome to sit in His presence and be still and know that He is God.To be filled with so much gratitude that the lump in your throat barely moves.To be at peace in a world that makes no sense.To come to Him with a prayer list knowing He cares for you and those you care for. To recognize His faithfulness and grace abounds.
All of this amidst the same struggles and seemingly unanswered prayers.Mandy still has no contracted job. But she has a job.Mocha has some presenting health issues.But she is still wagging her tail and happy and has none of the symptoms they say she should have.Ray and I are nearing retirement and have many questions and few answers at this point.I have a year until my 40th Wedding Anniversary and I had a weight I was heading for. I'm still heading there but not where I'd hoped I'd be by now. Still struggling.But I know Who I am in this journey with and the countless promises He makes towards His own are mine. No matter what the situation or feeling ,it is my responsibility and privilege to lay it down at His throne. Sometimes its hard,but it gets easier.As I cried every time I looked into Mocha's eyes last week, I had to let her go. I told my Father in Heaven, I knew He had given her to us and He knows how much we love her. Then I said Lord I put Mocha in Your Hands. I have had peace since then and only the start of the feeling of a tear welling up.Instead of going with the sad, I go with the visual of my beautiful big chocolate Lab in the palm of my Heavenly Father's Hands.
I told Ray the other day, that although we have not traveled far and wide, or eaten exotic foods or even done what some consider customary for vacation...I feel so blessed and adventurous.As God allows me to sink more into Him ,I see so much open up before the eyes of my spirit.I want to go back and visit the places of refreshment, renewal and hope. He truly is My Hiding Place.Staycation or not.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Jesus.Others.You.
So on this journey toward joy that I embarked upon this staycation, I am pleasantly surprised, although not shocked , at what I am discovering.
It is basically the same truth that I always discover when seeking truth. God has it. Me, not so much. My ways are not His ways.
Along my journey in life,as I have expressed before, I have seen and encountered and been affected by sin and its ravages at a pretty young age and beyond. It had a profound impact upon how I viewed life, people and God. It caused me to have internal dialogues with myself, and to make promises or covenants with myself based on those experiences. Some helped me to survive. Others, while helping me to survive, created things I would have to re-visit in life and with God's grace and help, they would need to be unraveled and be made new in my thought processes and in my choices and decisions in life.
One thing I have consistently found to be true is that the holy, perfect Father allows me to choose, explore, create and implement any and all solutions or answers to my questions or dilemmas along the way. But He is always within reach when I come to the end of me. Patiently waiting as a matter of fact I'm sure.As I have alluded to here often in my ramblings on My Hiding Place,Gods economy, way of looking at things, and His fix to most things are in direct opposition to mans answers.The longer I walk with Him and the more I listen to Him, and obey, the more I find this to be true.
As I began this journey toward joy, I knew in my Spirit, it would be His revelations that would make me trust that I was experiencing it or recognizing what it could be. However as a human being, I certainly wondered if I could imagine how it would translate into my "feeling" realm.I wasn't sure about that one. What I was sure about, and even gave a voice to it not being was an old Sunday school song called JOY. I told the Lord, I was so glad we were embarking on this journey together to find joy. How grateful I was ( that I just knew ) that old dumb song I heard at the age of 17, was definitely not the definition of joy.
Jesus
Others
You
I thought it a cute enough song, but kind of dumb and child like.After all, I was newly saved. What did I know about anything, except Jesus had forgiven me and made me new. The becoming new had just begun.
So here, I am, forty one years later, still walking on the road with Jesus.The becoming new has been progressing over these decades with Him. Of late, I have felt like I have been having an "Emmaus road" walk with my Savior. He is there . He is Who He has always been.He is ever the same. I am just seeing Him more clearly. I am hearing Him anew. I am experiencing what Luke wrote about in Luke 24:32 when he said of the men walking the road to Emmaus; "And they said to one another,"Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?" Indeed I am feeling that way. More of Him. Less of me and my ideas of what I think He meant. More of me just taking His Word, and Him at His Word, and obeying, accepting, surrendering.
In light of that, I have learned in the first two weeks of August 2013, that indeed that simple song and the , acronym for JOY is not dumb, nor annoying, nor some sickeningly sweet way to try and convince ourselves to be "Christian" and be happy.It truly is the definition of joy, for the one who chooses to follow Jesus. As we put Him first, we become less invested in ourselves. We become more humble, loving and gentle. The agenda of our life is not ever upon us, but rather on Him and all He has planned and purposed for us.That in turn causes us to pray more for others, care more about the world around us spinning out of control and realize we hold the answer. It is simply Jesus. His Love. His Forgiveness. His Compassion.We are Him to this planet. His Hands and His Feet. I loved these concepts before. Perhaps I occasionally experienced being these things. I also believed "others" not me were the ones who could walk in this daily. I no longer buy into that.
The discovery of joy has been wonderful, and yet completely unexpected. It is not elusive or unattainable. It is not reserved for those who lean towards being jovial or fun in their nature. It is not a personality trait that I was not privy to. It resides deep within me as I cling to the Refuge of my soul.It is a gift of the Holy Spirit.
In a practical, life affirming type of validation, we saw our son from Portland and his wife over the weekend. Talk about joy! And happiness! And love! All of these things were present.
Monday morning as we shared a goodbye cup of coffee with Ryan, we had been speaking of many things. Retirement, living with less,knowing life is about relationships, especially one with Christ, not needing new toys or travels. He then very seriously conveyed this thought: " You are the happiest people I know, and you do not need, nor have much of what the world deems necessary to make one happy." That was received with thanksgiving and humility. If our children can see that in us, knowing us as they do, weaknesses and all...its definitely joy abiding.
It is basically the same truth that I always discover when seeking truth. God has it. Me, not so much. My ways are not His ways.
Along my journey in life,as I have expressed before, I have seen and encountered and been affected by sin and its ravages at a pretty young age and beyond. It had a profound impact upon how I viewed life, people and God. It caused me to have internal dialogues with myself, and to make promises or covenants with myself based on those experiences. Some helped me to survive. Others, while helping me to survive, created things I would have to re-visit in life and with God's grace and help, they would need to be unraveled and be made new in my thought processes and in my choices and decisions in life.
One thing I have consistently found to be true is that the holy, perfect Father allows me to choose, explore, create and implement any and all solutions or answers to my questions or dilemmas along the way. But He is always within reach when I come to the end of me. Patiently waiting as a matter of fact I'm sure.As I have alluded to here often in my ramblings on My Hiding Place,Gods economy, way of looking at things, and His fix to most things are in direct opposition to mans answers.The longer I walk with Him and the more I listen to Him, and obey, the more I find this to be true.
As I began this journey toward joy, I knew in my Spirit, it would be His revelations that would make me trust that I was experiencing it or recognizing what it could be. However as a human being, I certainly wondered if I could imagine how it would translate into my "feeling" realm.I wasn't sure about that one. What I was sure about, and even gave a voice to it not being was an old Sunday school song called JOY. I told the Lord, I was so glad we were embarking on this journey together to find joy. How grateful I was ( that I just knew ) that old dumb song I heard at the age of 17, was definitely not the definition of joy.
Jesus
Others
You
I thought it a cute enough song, but kind of dumb and child like.After all, I was newly saved. What did I know about anything, except Jesus had forgiven me and made me new. The becoming new had just begun.
So here, I am, forty one years later, still walking on the road with Jesus.The becoming new has been progressing over these decades with Him. Of late, I have felt like I have been having an "Emmaus road" walk with my Savior. He is there . He is Who He has always been.He is ever the same. I am just seeing Him more clearly. I am hearing Him anew. I am experiencing what Luke wrote about in Luke 24:32 when he said of the men walking the road to Emmaus; "And they said to one another,"Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?" Indeed I am feeling that way. More of Him. Less of me and my ideas of what I think He meant. More of me just taking His Word, and Him at His Word, and obeying, accepting, surrendering.
In light of that, I have learned in the first two weeks of August 2013, that indeed that simple song and the , acronym for JOY is not dumb, nor annoying, nor some sickeningly sweet way to try and convince ourselves to be "Christian" and be happy.It truly is the definition of joy, for the one who chooses to follow Jesus. As we put Him first, we become less invested in ourselves. We become more humble, loving and gentle. The agenda of our life is not ever upon us, but rather on Him and all He has planned and purposed for us.That in turn causes us to pray more for others, care more about the world around us spinning out of control and realize we hold the answer. It is simply Jesus. His Love. His Forgiveness. His Compassion.We are Him to this planet. His Hands and His Feet. I loved these concepts before. Perhaps I occasionally experienced being these things. I also believed "others" not me were the ones who could walk in this daily. I no longer buy into that.
The discovery of joy has been wonderful, and yet completely unexpected. It is not elusive or unattainable. It is not reserved for those who lean towards being jovial or fun in their nature. It is not a personality trait that I was not privy to. It resides deep within me as I cling to the Refuge of my soul.It is a gift of the Holy Spirit.
In a practical, life affirming type of validation, we saw our son from Portland and his wife over the weekend. Talk about joy! And happiness! And love! All of these things were present.
Monday morning as we shared a goodbye cup of coffee with Ryan, we had been speaking of many things. Retirement, living with less,knowing life is about relationships, especially one with Christ, not needing new toys or travels. He then very seriously conveyed this thought: " You are the happiest people I know, and you do not need, nor have much of what the world deems necessary to make one happy." That was received with thanksgiving and humility. If our children can see that in us, knowing us as they do, weaknesses and all...its definitely joy abiding.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Truth : A Directive Toward Joy
On this journey toward discovering joy, I am re-discovering how true the Word of God is when He declares in Isaiah 55:8 the following; "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord". In fact ,what I am truly discovering is how polar opposite His ways and wisdom and guidance are from mans.
As I was spending some quiet time the other day with the Lord, I was presented with the thought that I was indeed a proud person and not humble, in some aspects of my experience of life and personality.
I knew it was the Holy Spirit whispering because this type of assessment was too real, too true for it to come out of my own heart. After all, haven't I always "prided" myself on being a humble person, and not a proud one? Exactly. Prided myself. All about me. I think I am a nice,loving,giving person and I very well might be. But Gods Word says this about my heart in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately wicked. Who can know it?" As I walk deeper and further in His presence,I continue to see that the way to become like my Lord, is to fully believe that He knows man and He came because we needed to be saved and rescued from ourselves.
Obviously as a Christian, I know I'm a sinner and I need forgiveness, cleansing,, New Life in Christ, a re-birth.But after all of that ,do I minute by minute, day by day embrace the fact that Gods Word is the bottom line for me? My thoughts, actions,character and life are to be formed and patterned after it. In theory, I absolutely do believe this. In the practice and living out of my life I often fall far short of it. But as I embrace what He came to rescue me from, and look to His Word and example as the way out of my natural failures, I am seeing that by His grace and direction, I too can become like Him.
In the quiet time as He spoke to me about being proud, it was such a revelation. As I said I felt I was a pretty humble person. His Spirit questioned Why then ,do you care about what people think of you? Why do you strive so to be understood and accepted? Why does it bother you and make you angry when people act as if they are better than you ? These things are rooted in your pride,child. I am humble and meek.Learn of Me.
It is of far greater impact when it meets you right where you live,than it is when you simply read it. Gods Word that is. I have read of Christ's humility and character often. I knew I wasn't exactly like Him,but I really thought I made a good effort at being humble.The effort then becomes "works" and my works are as dirty rags before Jesus. What I need is to be"transformed by the renewing of my mind" as Paul says in Romans 12:2. I get transformed by His Word becoming alive in me as I live out my life. This includes removing all my preconceived ideas about how and who I am.Or for that matter even,seeing myself as the central character.Paul says in Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ,it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life that I now live in the body I live by faith (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself up for me."
I have always spoken to my loved ones about how I see God as having a completely different economy than man.By that I mean that almost every answer or solution to mans problems that man comes up with, doesn't truly work. More often it creates other problems or diversions. If we look to Gods Word, it is complete. It has all the answers.As we accept that He knows all about us ,and all the ways to save, rescue and transform us, we can go forward in obedience, trusting Him to make us new. As we become new,we will become like Him and thus be equipped through the power of His Holy Spirit, to do all He asks of us as His disciples.
As a footnote to these thoughts on pride and humbleness, another of the songs on Audrey Assad's latest CD fit perfectly into these truths.I will be including them as a way of defining humble as it pertains to the character of our Lord,Jesus.
Humble and human, willing to bend You are
Fashioned of flesh and fire of life You are
Not too proud to wear our skin
To know this weary world we're in
Humble Humble Jesus
Humble in sorrow,You gladly carried Your cross
Never refusing Your life to the weakest of us
Not too proud to bear our sin
To feel this brokenness we're in
Humble Humble Jesus
We bow our knee
We must decrease
And You must increase
We lift You high
Humble in greatness
Born in the likeness of man
Name above all names
Holding our world in Your Hands
Not too proud to dwell with us
To live in us,to die for us
Humble Humble Jesus
We bow our knee
We must decrease
And You must increase
We lift You high
Humble You are
Make me humble
Like You
We lift You high
Obviously as a Christian, I know I'm a sinner and I need forgiveness, cleansing,, New Life in Christ, a re-birth.But after all of that ,do I minute by minute, day by day embrace the fact that Gods Word is the bottom line for me? My thoughts, actions,character and life are to be formed and patterned after it. In theory, I absolutely do believe this. In the practice and living out of my life I often fall far short of it. But as I embrace what He came to rescue me from, and look to His Word and example as the way out of my natural failures, I am seeing that by His grace and direction, I too can become like Him.
In the quiet time as He spoke to me about being proud, it was such a revelation. As I said I felt I was a pretty humble person. His Spirit questioned Why then ,do you care about what people think of you? Why do you strive so to be understood and accepted? Why does it bother you and make you angry when people act as if they are better than you ? These things are rooted in your pride,child. I am humble and meek.Learn of Me.
It is of far greater impact when it meets you right where you live,than it is when you simply read it. Gods Word that is. I have read of Christ's humility and character often. I knew I wasn't exactly like Him,but I really thought I made a good effort at being humble.The effort then becomes "works" and my works are as dirty rags before Jesus. What I need is to be"transformed by the renewing of my mind" as Paul says in Romans 12:2. I get transformed by His Word becoming alive in me as I live out my life. This includes removing all my preconceived ideas about how and who I am.Or for that matter even,seeing myself as the central character.Paul says in Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ,it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life that I now live in the body I live by faith (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God Who loved me and gave Himself up for me."
I have always spoken to my loved ones about how I see God as having a completely different economy than man.By that I mean that almost every answer or solution to mans problems that man comes up with, doesn't truly work. More often it creates other problems or diversions. If we look to Gods Word, it is complete. It has all the answers.As we accept that He knows all about us ,and all the ways to save, rescue and transform us, we can go forward in obedience, trusting Him to make us new. As we become new,we will become like Him and thus be equipped through the power of His Holy Spirit, to do all He asks of us as His disciples.
As a footnote to these thoughts on pride and humbleness, another of the songs on Audrey Assad's latest CD fit perfectly into these truths.I will be including them as a way of defining humble as it pertains to the character of our Lord,Jesus.
Humble and human, willing to bend You are
Fashioned of flesh and fire of life You are
Not too proud to wear our skin
To know this weary world we're in
Humble Humble Jesus
Humble in sorrow,You gladly carried Your cross
Never refusing Your life to the weakest of us
Not too proud to bear our sin
To feel this brokenness we're in
Humble Humble Jesus
We bow our knee
We must decrease
And You must increase
We lift You high
Humble in greatness
Born in the likeness of man
Name above all names
Holding our world in Your Hands
Not too proud to dwell with us
To live in us,to die for us
Humble Humble Jesus
We bow our knee
We must decrease
And You must increase
We lift You high
Humble You are
Make me humble
Like You
We lift You high
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Joy Unfolding
The journey toward joy continues. Yesterday, after making a concerted effort, along with my Love, to embrace this time as a time of renewal and examination, we came face to face with the wiles of the devil. He comes only to "kill, steal, and destroy". Unfortunately, we fell for a time, to his deception and lies. You know, how in the real world he makes us think we are frustrated, hurt by or otherwise bothered by those we would normally give our lives breath for...that kind of lie. That nonsense continued far longer than I'd hoped for, but ultimately we all "saw" really what was happening. We confessed and apologized and asked for forgiveness...for joining in a game that should never have been played.
We truly are like dumb sheep. We desperately need Our Shepherd.
So, prior to the onslaught, I had been poring over the lyrics to a new song by Audrey Assad. They have haunted my soul since I first heard them. This is my hearts cry on this journey toward joy.
From the love of my own comfort
From a fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me, Oh God
From a need to be understood
From a need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me, Oh God
Deliver me, Oh God
And I shall not want
No, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness
I shall not want
From a fear of serving others
Oh from the fear of death or trial
And from a fear of humility
Deliver me, Oh God
Yes, deliver me, Oh God
When I read these words and hear the melody to this song, I feel so real inside as I worship my God.
All these words are true, and I have yet to master my position in both being delivered and not wanting.
But what I know is that Paul spoke Gods very words when he wrote in Philippians 1:6 "And I am convinced,and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ (right up to the time of His return) developing that good work and perfecting it and bringing it to full completion in you."
It is with that hope and assurance that I go forward each day in Him. Sometimes running with anticipation, other days carried by His grace alone.
All along the way, I am ever in His Hand. He knows the end from the beginning. He holds all things together by His Word. He makes all things work together for my good.
It is a journey. A walk with Him. Each walk starts with single steps.One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. He is my Guide. "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105
Saturday, August 3, 2013
On the Road Toward Joy
My journey towards the discovery of joy has begun. New roads are often full of the unexpected. The word joy paints a different picture in my minds eye than what I am visualizing already. However, this is not unusual in this opposite economy ,in a different world, where I walk with my Heavenly Father, His Son Jesus Christ and our Comforter, the Holy Spirit.
Thus far, God has spoken to me, that I must decrease and He must increase.
That I must be delivered from me,that I might taste of His goodness and thus I shall not want.
That I should muster the courage to say YES to my life, trusting Him that He is in control and with me, EVEN in my struggles.
I thought I was doing this, or at least some of it. And indeed I have been. Trying. Failing. Falling.
But ever pursuing.
The God we serve is the perfect parent. Who, of any of us, did not push, nudge, inspire and desire the best both for our kids, and of them. I know I did. And have. And still do.
How can I look at my Father, and think He deserves any less? His grace allows me to continue. His love calls me to the deeper things. It is so simple ,I oft cannot grasp it.
The words, thrown around in recovery circles and in spiritual conversations, often say Let Go and Let God. It has rung in my ears for years and appeared as billboards before my minds eye often. Yet here I stand. Not really getting it.
I am here, Oh God, deliver me. Just as years ago I faced that I did not know how to surrender and you helped me learn that. I think I understand that I get the Let God part, but only have scraped the surface of the Let Go.
One need not be a control freak to not fully understand letting go. Believe me, I have let go of tons....but there must be a deeper letting go He's talking about.
Onward and upward. Destination Joy.
Thus far, God has spoken to me, that I must decrease and He must increase.
That I must be delivered from me,that I might taste of His goodness and thus I shall not want.
That I should muster the courage to say YES to my life, trusting Him that He is in control and with me, EVEN in my struggles.
I thought I was doing this, or at least some of it. And indeed I have been. Trying. Failing. Falling.
But ever pursuing.
The God we serve is the perfect parent. Who, of any of us, did not push, nudge, inspire and desire the best both for our kids, and of them. I know I did. And have. And still do.
How can I look at my Father, and think He deserves any less? His grace allows me to continue. His love calls me to the deeper things. It is so simple ,I oft cannot grasp it.
The words, thrown around in recovery circles and in spiritual conversations, often say Let Go and Let God. It has rung in my ears for years and appeared as billboards before my minds eye often. Yet here I stand. Not really getting it.
I am here, Oh God, deliver me. Just as years ago I faced that I did not know how to surrender and you helped me learn that. I think I understand that I get the Let God part, but only have scraped the surface of the Let Go.
One need not be a control freak to not fully understand letting go. Believe me, I have let go of tons....but there must be a deeper letting go He's talking about.
Onward and upward. Destination Joy.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Joy. A Place Unknown.
So today is the first day of August and the first day of" staycation" for Ray and I. We both decided the very first day would be a day of absolutely no commitment to anything except savoring the concept of vacation.
For both of us ,that idea is a unique and different reality.
Ray's first thing after breakfast and coffee was saying, "it's a nice cool day, perfect to clean up the cars." Although this would not be relaxing to everyone or seen as "doing nothing", it has always been one of his go to things since before I married him. There is something about a nice clean car he likes and the work involved is a form of relaxation to him. I remember asking him after we were married, what he did the morning of our wedding day. I should have known. Of course, he washed his car.
I have spent my morning "organizing" in my mind what I need or want to accomplish this first week before my kids come from Portland next weekend.At the same time I was able to listen to some new music by Audrey Assad from her new CD "Fortunate Fall."
As always her music speaks to me in a very personal way.The thrust of this CD seems to be embracing our humanity,our weaknesses and sin, while at the same time celebrating our Father Gods plan to send a Savior, wherein we would find both salvation and purpose.
As I listened to the lyrics and beautiful melodies, I found that I look at it all wrong. Audrey was singing of our broken humanity, while celebrating all that we have in Christ,despite our sin,our pain, our circumstances.The joy inherent in the relationship and hope.
Over the past month or so I have realized that although I am a person who knows and lives within the "peace that passes understanding", I am not a very joyful person.
I often attributed this to my depravity and exposure to evil at a very young age.
As I walk with the Lord, and age, I realize I want to experience joy. Not happiness which is fleeting , and often circumstantially based. I have known that throughout my life. NO! I want to know joy.
I have seen over the years that satans road to my destruction is despair. I have lived with that emotion and reality throughout most of my life. It arises within, whenever the familiar winds of loss or sadness or disappointment loom around me. It is a constant battle,and one I have waged fairly successfully because of Gods grace and faithfulness. BUT.
I want to know joy.
This" staycation" is going to be a journey towards joy. I know that joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit, so therefore I know it is mine. I just have not found it yet, nor unwrapped it.
Here's to gifts unknown and unwrapped. Here's to a journey of finding something I felt I'd never know. Here's to a trip paid for by my Savior's blood and love. Here's to the open arms and heart of that little one within me.
Let Go and Let God.
For both of us ,that idea is a unique and different reality.
Ray's first thing after breakfast and coffee was saying, "it's a nice cool day, perfect to clean up the cars." Although this would not be relaxing to everyone or seen as "doing nothing", it has always been one of his go to things since before I married him. There is something about a nice clean car he likes and the work involved is a form of relaxation to him. I remember asking him after we were married, what he did the morning of our wedding day. I should have known. Of course, he washed his car.
I have spent my morning "organizing" in my mind what I need or want to accomplish this first week before my kids come from Portland next weekend.At the same time I was able to listen to some new music by Audrey Assad from her new CD "Fortunate Fall."
As always her music speaks to me in a very personal way.The thrust of this CD seems to be embracing our humanity,our weaknesses and sin, while at the same time celebrating our Father Gods plan to send a Savior, wherein we would find both salvation and purpose.
As I listened to the lyrics and beautiful melodies, I found that I look at it all wrong. Audrey was singing of our broken humanity, while celebrating all that we have in Christ,despite our sin,our pain, our circumstances.The joy inherent in the relationship and hope.
Over the past month or so I have realized that although I am a person who knows and lives within the "peace that passes understanding", I am not a very joyful person.
I often attributed this to my depravity and exposure to evil at a very young age.
As I walk with the Lord, and age, I realize I want to experience joy. Not happiness which is fleeting , and often circumstantially based. I have known that throughout my life. NO! I want to know joy.
I have seen over the years that satans road to my destruction is despair. I have lived with that emotion and reality throughout most of my life. It arises within, whenever the familiar winds of loss or sadness or disappointment loom around me. It is a constant battle,and one I have waged fairly successfully because of Gods grace and faithfulness. BUT.
I want to know joy.
This" staycation" is going to be a journey towards joy. I know that joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit, so therefore I know it is mine. I just have not found it yet, nor unwrapped it.
Here's to gifts unknown and unwrapped. Here's to a journey of finding something I felt I'd never know. Here's to a trip paid for by my Savior's blood and love. Here's to the open arms and heart of that little one within me.
Let Go and Let God.
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